Kill. Steal. Destroy. That is Satan’s job (John 10:10), and he’s very good at it. With each new invention, program, and platform, he works on ways to kill our children, steal their innocence, and destroy their destiny. Online gaming, social media, and other Internet devices are potential threats. How can we, as parents and guardians, keep our children safe in the digital world? The answer is twofold.
First, take the time to be involved while they learn to navigate the online world. You are going to give time to this issue either way. You will either take time before by thwarting potential problems and breaking negative patterns as they emerge, or you will take time afterward when you deal with damaging culture infiltration, addiction, and devastation.
Second, don’t be afraid of being the bad guy. It is difficult to make your child block a friend who is starting to use abusive language toward them. It is hard to take a child’s phone away when you find pornography sites in their online history. Hebrews 12:11 says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (NIV). Isn’t that our goal as parents and guardians? May our children be righteous before God and full of peace!
How are we to do the necessary digital “thwarting”? By taking time to reveal and circumvent the evil schemes intended to trap our children. Before allowing a child to sign up for a game or social media platform, ask the following questions:
- Is the content suitable for my child’s age? Our world is filled with injustice and violence, but that doesn’t mean young minds need to be introduced to it or, worse yet, conditioned to overlook it.
- Is there a privacy setting for direct messages in the app or game? All online games have a communication flow among players. Some games use direct messages, while others allow players to hear each other’s voices while playing live. A huge source of vulgarity is often introduced through live play interaction.
- Will random people have direct access to my child? This is where physical dangers increase.
- Does the app allow users to make purchases? Many are the stories of children who have spent thousands of dollars before their online purchases were discovered.
By now, perhaps you have said, “That’s it! My kid will never get online again!” And I understand that fear. It is real! So is the digital world your kids live in. They must learn how to navigate around the nastiness and lead God-pleasing lives. The best way for them to learn how to do that is while they are still in your home, under your careful, loving, forgiving care.
Here are a few tips for staying informed and connected to your child when they are online.
Cell Phone, Tablet, and Laptop
- Institute a hands-out policy. Whenever you put your hand out and ask for their device, they immediately surrender it. The younger a child is, the less the struggle will be. The preteen years is when tensions arise. Accept now that tension is okay. They will be upset only if there is something on their device that they do not want you to see. In this case, you’ll be glad you created the hands-out policy.
- Check your child’s browsing history on their apps.
- Scroll through their text and messaging apps. This is the time-consuming part. These conversations reveal where they are in their relationships with friends. Kids who allow themselves to be subjected to cyberbullying will often experience it within friendship circles first. Helping them identify bullying tactics early on can aid in the process of strengthening their identity in Christ and their sense of personal worth. Since Jesus paid the ultimate price for them, they are worth so much more than being treated like trash.
- Create an email address that your child will use as their log-in for all platforms.
- Keep the passwords for the email and each platform handy so you can log in anytime to any platform.
- Add the email to your mobile email app and check it often. Remember to check the deleted emails.
- Talk the child through emails that are phishing. Children mentally “check out” if we talk too much in one setting. It is best to address potential threats as they arise. If you are not used to checking emails, this will be a source of contention. However, your child’s ability to determine good from evil in the cyber world depends on your attentiveness. Your children are worth a change in your behavior regarding email usage.
Games
- Set up the child’s profile to private so they choose who to share their user ID with.
- Move the gaming system to the family room or kitchen so they will play within your purview. Closer proximity provides accountability. It doesn’t have to stay there forever. You are setting the expectation that online behavior must be the same as behavior acceptable in the family room.
- Until you can be assured your child is not easily swayed into poor behavior by their game mates, have the gaming conversation take place without a headset. Once you determine that your child’s friends do not use crude language or vulgarity, you can reward them with a headset. The headset should be earned, with the understanding that it can easily be taken away.
- Periodically check the game mates’ profiles and messages to ensure they are appropriate.
- As your child matures, they should be able to join a game setting where public users can join in and message them. At this point, you will need to reengage in the process. Go back to step 3 and have them play without the headset for a while. Check their profile frequently to help them identify threats that arise. Discuss each threat with your child, helping them understand what is happening, and then guide them through blocking the user. (I know several children whom people have approached with evil intentions.) When the thought crosses your mind, I need to check on things, it might be the Holy Spirit speaking. Follow His leading and get to it.
Social Media
- Set the child’s profile to private, adding only friends they know.
- Add the child’s social accounts to your mobile email app and toggle to it often, remembering to check the direct messages.
- Set time limits on social media apps. You can also check to see if they are ignoring the set time limits.
- Discuss ideas about who they should be “following.” When we follow someone, it means we want to emulate them. We want to be like them and want them to “like” us back. When we try to fit into today’s culture, it means we go against the culture of Christ. This is where social norms begin to dictate ungodly personal behavior. Genuine Christians are followers of Christ, seeking to emulate Him.
- Discuss questionable direct messages. Helping your child navigate in a world where people are seeking to hurt them is difficult. At first, threats might seem like new friends who feel familiar and want to meet your child. However, your child’s ability to discern good from evil depends on your willingness to guide them through each scenario as it arises, allowing them to develop critical thinking skills and make informed decisions.
You can teach your children to lead a God-honoring life in an online age. God will help and give you supernatural insight as you nurture the mighty soul He has entrusted to your care. You’ve got this!
Lynn M. Swank is the children’s ministry facilitator for Church of God Publications. Learn more at KidMinPathway.com